Sometimes
by tweekthetwitch13
Summary: Sometimes he doesn't feel whole. As if something is missing, a loss of identity. And he isn't the only one who wonders why. AU-ish. FF8 references of a sort.. There will be slash in the form of Seiner Seifer/Hayner and possibly others.
1. Sometimes

I dunno where I'm going with this.  
Okay so ..I haven't actually played FF8 (wiki'd it to hell though), but there are references to it in this. So it'd help..alot. if you had some idea of who the FF8 main character were and their personality and a bit about them... If you haven't played the game, like myself. Wiki it people. I recommend the Final Fantasy Wikia.)  
disclaimer: All Characters written about in this piece of fanfiction Belong to Square Enix and Disney. Who I do not wish to anger, since they have enough money to buy my soul a billion times over.  
AU-ish I guess. Pg-13 for some implied stuff. or not so implied. more like blatantly pointed out. the biggest warning is for OOC-ness. Oh and the future gayness.  
Hayner POV. never a good idea.

--------------------------  
**Sometimes** I wonder why there feels like something is missing.

Something important. Something I just need to know. Something I just have to do something about.

For me, it's hard to discourage these thoughts. I'm generally the type of person, who if I think up something I have to follow through with it.

I tried to explain to my parents these thoughts, these feelings. The chalked it up to being a teenager. That 'everyone' at my age feels like something is missing.

When I ended up getting frustrated and yelled, _"You don't understand!"._ They just laughed, typical Hayner, 'everyone' says that at my age too.

After awhile I really wanted to believe them, because maybe if I was aware of it, it would go away.

But it never did.

I started to compensate for it, or tried to anyway. I spent all my time it seemed training for and playing Struggle.

It got to the point where even Seifer got bored. At one of my challenges, he ended up offering to buy me a hotdog or two at the local vendors cart instead of fighting me.

He knew I loved hotdogs, somehow.

Instead of appeasing the monster inside of me, it made it grow.

Why? Why did he know?

He wasn't _that_ observant.

_"Instead, how bout' we sit here and do nothing. I think 10 rounds is enough for one afternoon. Hey if that doesn't get you to stop, how about I get you a hotdog? I know how much you love em', but they're always out when you get to them right?"_

Yes. I love hotdogs. It's a little known fact honestly. Not even Pence and Olette really know the extent of my love for them.

I'm not even sure why I do so much. This thought did nothing to help my mental state.

Seifer was right about most of it though, but not all.

While it was true, very true on days when no one was around to notice I'd make a beeline for the Hotdog cart like a bat out of hell.

But the Cart owner had never, ever been out. Ever.

And I know for a fact, Seifer had never seen me make the run for the cart.

It was about time I confronted the big bully. To talk of course, and well...if he ended up calling me crazy I could always punch him.

That always made me feel better.

--

Later I _did_ end up confronting him. Feeling oddly calm. This was rare for me, as I was very rarely calm. Even before I started going insane,

My teachers swore I was ADHD.

The feeling of calm didn't last very long. The warm, soft tranquil feeling of calm ended up going rotten. Dripping and spilling down messily until it reached my stomach. It turned and mixed with feelings of despair, anger and longing until it became what felt like a solid knot in my abdomen.

And at the same time it felt so right.

My eyes had landed on Seifer. We didn't talk often, and I realised it had been a couple months since the time he had offered me the hotdogs.

He had turned 18.

Somehow he looked older, more mature than I had ever seen him in my lifetime. And yet it was so very, very familiar.

He was just standing there, at the end of the street.

It was after sundown and fairly dark out with the exception of the reddish orange light the street lanterns provided. It was winter, and fairly cool out. Not cold. Twilight Town never got insanely cold.

He was wearing his normal outfit, basically.

Minus stocking cap . His normal sleeveless jacket was replaced by basically the same coat, plus sleeves.

He noticed I was standing there, at the other end of the street. I must of looked practically shell shocked. It caused him to smirk, maybe he thought I was afraid of him. I wasn't.

I was afraid of myself.

Finally my brain kicked in, and I was knocked out of my shocked state.

I wanted to hit that stupid smirk right off his pretentious face. This, however, wasn't a rare thought.

I was about to speak, but Seifer took advantage of my moment of silence.

_"You've been acting weird for awhile now, lamer. Finally come to talk to me huh?"_

"Don't call me that!"

Don't. Please don't say 'lamer'. Anything else.

Call me 'chicken wuss' again. You haven't called me that since we were little. Why? Why did you stop?

_"Hah, whatever 'Hayner'. Did you want to talk or what? I'd rather get on with this rather than waste more of my life."  
_  
_"Ugh. Yeah, sure whatever dude. Come on, wouldn't want to waste more of your 'precious life'..you major pain in the ass..."  
_  
I was wrong.

'Anything else ' was wrong.

Why did 'Hayner' sound so wrong?

--

We ended up talking for along time. Longer than I would have expected. In fact I'm fairly certain all prior conversations we've had in my life time would add up to close to as how long we talked.

I don't feel quite as crazy anymore.

Unless we're both crazy.

That's right. He's like me. Maybe even worse.

He dreams sometimes. About people and places he's never seen or been to.

I wanted to feel bad, to know that he's probably been struggling more than me. But I was secretly envious.

That he was able to see them all again?

Granted I wasn't sure who all 'them' was, but I wanted to see their faces more than anything...

But I did have a small victory that night.

As we left the steps of an old building that had been the spot for our chat, and began to go our separate ways. Seifer, in a rare, good nature manner ruffled my hair and said his goodbye.

_"See ya, chicken wuss."  
_--

Later, I found out I was wrong about yet another thing.

There were some faces I really didn't want to see again...

--

A man with brown hair and a scarred face showed up in Twilight Town.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------End.

....Of chapter one.

damn.

(haha this was going to have a COMPLETELY different ending. But that'll probably be in the next chapter. 'implied things' will in fact occur.)

....I. ..I don't know what else to say. Screw it.

(Okay so this is ...maybe kinda sorta dedicted to Ellipsis The Great. ..Er not that she knows, or even knows who I am. But yeah, her Seiner is pretty much the best thing ever, and I felt really bad that her Grandfather passed away. )

So er, reviews/feedback would be lovely!!! I've never written like this before or in the POV (let alone having it be Hayners point of view, who is as hard to write as his hair is hard to draw..)


	2. A meeting

Okay. So I figured I better finish this, or write more for it before I totally forgot. I'm in a bit of a KH-y mood (which is oh so rare *not* ) since my friend bought be KH Re:COM woot, and they re-put up KH on . But I am also sick, so if this really sucks I'm blaming that (like not getting enough air in my lungs sick. bleh) so er. enjoy? (sorry for ooc-ness) Written listening to early 2000 pop music. Yes. That means boybands.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story. They belong to Disney and Square Enix. (I will however have khrecom in my greedy clutches soon. guaha. ..too bad Hayhay and Seify aren't in it. I wants muh girly hips and bellyvests)

why. the. hell is my radio playing the Teen Titans theme song..

------------

The day started off like most.

Since I was Seventeen, though I'd be turning eightteen in March, I still attended high school every week day.

And occasionally summer school. Thank God that was ending this year.

Ever since our little chat, I hadn't really spoken to Seifer.

This wasn't very shocking. I never expected us to become best buddies or something.

No, that was fairly impossible.

That wasn't to say I never saw him. I saw him around school a handful of times.

I think a connection was made however. Maybe just a small one. But it was something at least.

A secret that both of us shared, unwilling to admit to others.

It wasn't like, even if we wanted to, we could act all buddy buddy.

No, that would probably get us institutionalized quicker than anything.

I think Seifer might have tried once to be less of dick, it wasn't even anything huge and it still got us looks.

_" Hey chickenshit."_

That was all, minus the less than friendly punch to the shoulder he usually gave with any greeting.

And no, I wasn't pleased with the nickname 'chickenshit'.

---

I found out later that day that the looks could have been due to something else.

Seifer had graduated the year before, and there didn't seem to be any reason him to be there.

I felt mildly like a retard for not realising it.

Seeing how I _might_ have thrown a small party when I found out I wouldn't be forced to see Mister Better Than You everyday.

Once it occurred to me, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the cocky smirk every once in awhile.

---

Walking into Shop class I got my answer.

The teacher and Seifer were talking in the back of the class room.

I realised I had been watching them the entire time, not noticing the rest of the room filling with fellow students.

Our teacher, Mr. Clayriver, seemed to notice around the same time I did that the class was full. He said a few last things to Seifer before starting the class.

While I normally liked Shop, with all the activity, I was paying more attention to Seifer. What the hell was he doing here?

He looked pretty good in that tank top.

I'll blame that thought on recovering insanity.

---

By the end of the class, I managed to piece together that he was making something.

I also received detention for not paying attention. Oh well.

Something that looked long, sharp and metal.

This doesn't bode well.

---

I wanted to track down Seifer and find out what the hell he was doing after school.

Stupid fucking detention.

I got out of detention slightly earlier than I would have normally. Not on good behavior or anything like that.

I looked pretty pissed the entire time. I'm not going to say I scared the teacher into letting me leave.

Though I probably did.

I ended up running all the way to the Shop Classroom, no luck. Seifer was gone.

Mr. Clayriver, bless his heart, told me however the tall blonde bully had only left a couple minutes before me.

With my camo backpack slung over my shoulder, I sped through the Twilight Town streets.

I'm not sure why I was running so quickly, and why my heart was racing so fast.

I had to catch Seifer.

Something was very, very wrong.

---

I came to a screeching halt when I found Seifer.

I grinned at his back, ready to smack him over the head with my backpack and ask him what the hell he was up to in Shop.

Seifer was frozen. Just barely hunched over in what I wasn't sure was a defencive or offensive stance.

He was shaking.

The grin melted off my face.

I turned to look where he was look, down the cobblestone street towards the Sandlot.

I felt sick instantly.

Two figures stood there.

One was looking around, rambling at the older man. A girl, older than myself, but short.

The man, oh the man. The way his eyes were fixed on Seifer, it was fairly obvious he wasn't hearing a word of the girls words.

He was tall. Probably in his mid-twenties. He had so many belts on his pants it looked like it defeated the actual purpose of wearing one.

Medium length dark, layered brown hair surrounded his face.

His face held a fairly calm expression on first glance, but there was a storm raging behind his cold gray eyes.

And a scar.

Exactly like Seifers. Except...it was angled the opposite direction.

---

_" -So then I was like 'Not in your life time you stupid heartless!' and sent a shuriken right through its head! Isn't that cool Leon?! ..__**Leon!**_"

That wasn't right. I know it wasn't right.

His name isn't Leon.

Seifer seemed to have read my mind. As a snarl escaped his lips.

I realised he was shaking in anger.

The thought scared me slightly, I had never seen him so angry before. Sure he'd get pissed off but he was quick to wave it off, or just beat someones ass and be down with it.

I've never seen him actually _frozen _in anger before.

"_Woah. That guy is an~gry! Hey, Leon, do you know each other?"_

The short girl had finally noticed the seething blonde that was Seifer.

A small frown appeared on the brunettes lips, his gaze never leaving Seifer.

I wasn't sure. Was that anger..or confusion?

"..._No. I don't know him. Let's go, Yuffie."_

And just like that, pausing for just a second, he broke his gaze from Seifer. He turned and walked away briskly, leaving a very confused companion.

It almost appeared as if someone had struck Seifer. He snapped perfectly upright, stiff as a board and whipped around. Stomping back past me in the opposite direction 'Leon' had gone.

_"Seif-"_

_"Not. Now. Hayner."_

Great. He didn't even look at me. Asshole.

---

I glanced over at the spot where 'Leon' had been.

The girl, Yuffie was standing there staring at us, bouncing one foot to the other in a nervous manner. Her bewildered look mirrored mine I'm sure.

I could tell we were both fighting the urge to chase after the scarred males we were familiar with.

My eyes narrowed slightly as I thought of something.

_"Hey, you. 'Yuffie' right? What was that guys name. His real name?"_

She wasn't stupid, I could tell that right away. She knew something was odd was up when I said 'real name'.

I shouldn't know something like that.

But I did of course.

I lightened my expression, grinning softly and jerking my hand and gesturing with my thumb at the direction Seifer had gone.

"_Sorry, my name is Hayner. I just wanted to know the name of the person who was able to get under Big Blonde and Grumpy's skin like that. Takes talent, you know?" _

Ugh. I've lived in the same town as Rai too long.

Her expression softened too, but we both know we were pretending. We had our own agendas.

_"Heh, Mister Frowny Faces name is Squall, but don't let him hear you say that. What about that guy?"_

_"Seifer."_

_"Oh? Cool..Well I better get going. We're new here, and I don't want Leon getting lost without me there to save him! See ya, Hayner!"_

She skipped off after Squall, unsmiling.

I frowned.

Something was up.

---

I walked home slowly. Mind processing everything that had just taken place.

Squall.

Squall Leonhart.

Why was he here? Why did I feel like I knew him?

Why did I know his last name when it was never spoken?

I'm so tired of 'why'.

---

I walked past the school, since it was on the way to my home.

I hadn't realised how far I had actually ran to catch up with Seifer.

Sighing, I glanced at the by now deserted school.

I was surprised to see smoke coming from one of the chimney stacks.

Oh well...Most likely a Shop or Art student using the kiln or something..

I jerked to a stop, almost tripping. My eyes froze on the building and I took a deep shaky breath.

Seifer had come this way...

It couldn't be...could it?

.. I sure as hell hope whatever he was making isn't as dangerous as the few glances I had in class made it seem.

A sort of sinister glade.

---

Standing still, my backpack resting on the ground my grip loose on one of the straps, I watched the smoke billow smearing the colors of the sunset.

Seifer wouldn't go after Squall would he?

Of course he would.

I knew him better than that.

But in what manner would he go after the older scarred man?

The thought made something in my chest constrict.

Was this fear?...Or Jealousy?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- End Chap. 2

Next Chapter: The Birth of Hyperion.

-------

...Couldn't I have ended this on this chapter? ..Bleeh. I really, really didn't want to get into multi-chapter fic.

Okay. anyway. Sorry about all the errors that I'm sure are there. Spelling, character ooc-ness etc..I had no idea how to make Yuffie act. Or...anyone else for that matter. whoops. ("chickenshit" makes more sense as a insult to me than 'chickenwuss'.) And yes. I totally made up 'mr. clayriver'. dont know where my brain barfed that out of.

( Hah..I don't know what highschool shop is like. I was homeschooled of all but like one month of highschool.) ..And yes. Hitting someone in the head with your backpack is an accepted form of 'hello'.

Reviews make me want to write more!


	3. Part 1 : Hyperion

Tweekieweekiepoodlekins;..It's only been like two months. Yup. This is why I don't do multi-chapter fics. But I so drew some seiner the other day (again)..and inspiration..well it didnt hit really, but I figured I should write something. (I'm honestly more in an KHR, xxxholic mood right now. But admittedly Gamma from KHR reminds me of Seifer)....So.....  
Anyone _not_ sick? This is friggin insane. Bloody flu season. (I'll shut up now, which would be helpful since I have no voice)

warning for this chapter being pitifully short, badly written and inspired by an feverish mind. (Plus no beta, and screwing with things)

___-----___-------____----------_____--------____---------___----__---___---__-___-_--_--_-__-__--_--_--__--___________________~

Well isn't this just the shits.

I am lying here on my bed.

Doing nothing but tossing, turning and thinking of what might come.

This might sound deep, and even unexpected to some.

'_Hayner actually lost sleep __thinking__? ..This is the same Hayner that ended up snoring during his own birthday party right? What was he thinking about? Struggle no doubt.''  
_

..Well screw you imaginary person. Don't be so condescending.

After seeing how Seifer and 'Leon' AKA: Squall 'whatever.' Leonhart looked at eachother who would be able to sleep?

Maybe someone who didn't know at least one of them. I, however knew the most annoying one.

This could lead to blood. In fact, I'm a bit surprised it didn't already lead to blood.

All it takes for me to end up with a bloody nose, split lip or black eye is a leer followed by a '_You jackass, Seifer.'_' In cases where he feels really violent all it takes is a 'look'. Which more often than not is most likely me staring into space in the wrong direction.

I'm admittedly fairly worried. Not too much about Seifer though.

Okay that is a lie. Seifer might be able to handle himself fairly well with the folk in Twilight Town..But this is an outsider, an older, probably smarter grown man. Not a pissy, arrogant, stick up his ass 18 year old.

No, Squall is at least 20.

My worry comes out in obvious ways, as I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve.

And I don't even have sleeves.

As I toss and turn my stomach becomes unsettled, the worse I feel and the worse I feel the more worried I become. This leads to nail biting, sometimes so severe it bleeds. This is also the case with lip biting, or in my case the more appropriate 'lip gnawing'.

Tomorrow I'll turn up at school with dark rings under my eyes, bitten and bloody nails and a split lip.

There is no possible way my friends won't notice, not to mention the entire school.

When I end up avoiding questions on why I am in the state that I am, which I of course will do because it's my problem and they don't need to stick their well-meaning noses into it, and then they realize that there isn't in fact any tournament or competition going on I will end up with more on my plate then I'm really comfortable with.

And by 'more than I'm comfortable with' it actually means 'I will probably flip out, yell, maybe hit someone (hopefully Seifer because this is all his bloody fault. 'connection' my ass), and end up in detention.'

My mind is a funny thing, while these thoughts should have been an even bigger stresser, the thought of being able to hit Seifer for all the trouble he's put me through (on this occasion) slowly lulled me into sleep.

---__---end chap~

Okay, I'm really sorry this is so short..with regular stories I try to make sure theres over 2500 words, and with this story at least 1000 each chapter (since it written in a ..weirdass way)..so this is just..pitifully short. But I am really sick right now, and if I don't put this up now it's gunna be an even longer wait for anything. So before I start chilling, hacking all the while curled up ina fetal position with a cold rag on my head I figure I should throw this up. Hopefully when I get over this I'll put up the second part, so within the next week or so.  
I was going to introduce Hyperion in this chapter, but that'll probably be in the next part. Sowwy. I love all the reviews and feedback people have given me though, so thanks again.


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